Home Humorists T-Shirts

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

'Wow, that's great! The house rules say pets ain't allowed here!'

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

'Fine stencilling. But have you never thought - Tit Willow, Tit Willow, Tit Willow?'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

"Take me to your Larder!"

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

The wooden clothes horse of Troy.

"I feel like tearing of all your clothes and putting them in the washing machine."

Yard Sale

"I pray that he will enjoy my pie..." "The smell's enough to make me cry!"

"For God's sake, Lucille. We're IN a vacuum."

'Oh, Olivia, I just love your new caption! Where on earth did you find it?'

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."

Mouse real estate!

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'I didn't hear you calling. I can't listen to everybody who yells at me.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"I see the cat's left us another little offering."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Barry, I think I know where you left the champagne bottle.'

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

'Don't blame me - It's my husband's cooking!'

'She let the bedbugs bite.'

"This place has a water view if you're looking at the mortgage."

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Classic literature for D.I.Y. haters'

Carpet Cows