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"Ya, right. Who needs a Web presence. I'll just compete in the global economy from here."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Children's artwork exhibition.

'It's a Joan Biro.'

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Painting taking root...

Misunderstood artist

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"Now this I get."

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Art Gallery.

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

German School

"It's wonderful, darling. It really says Manhattan."

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"I read 'Art News.'"

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."