Gallery Director T-Shirts

Who are you?

'No, the screen needs to be a little bit to the left...no, right...'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

Painting taking root...

'Projectile painting.'

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Misunderstood artist

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

It's a call from Tate modern.

'I could do that.'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

The Rise of Modern Art

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"Now this I get."

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'