Gallery Director T-Shirts

Who are you?

'No, the screen needs to be a little bit to the left...no, right...'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Paul Klee

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

Creative department

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

It's a call from Tate modern.

'Projectile painting.'

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

Misunderstood artist

Painting taking root...

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Well, you know these child prodigies - they can be very demanding about how their work is displayed.

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I could do that.'

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

The Rise of Modern Art

"Now this I get."

"I believe it took a team of twenty five, working six months at a cost of �250, 000 to come up with that."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid