Gallery Owner T-Shirts

"That would look really good in my office."

"Now this I get."

'What are they worth? Well, it's difficult to put a price on such extraordinary works of art. How much you got?'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

"I love what you do with low-hanging fruit!"

Creative accounting.

'I still don't get it.'

Businessman looks at abstract painting, saying: 'I won't be investing in this one -I've just met the artist and he's in perfectly good health.'

'I highly recommend this painting if you're into art as an investment.'

'It's titled 'Art Thief'.'

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

The Big Picture

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

Art Exhibition - 'And be sure to see my website at dot-dot-dot-dot-com.'

'At first glance, my work may seem heavily ironic, but, culturally adjusted, it's really pretty sincere!'

Euro on the exhibition.

Jean's later work is heavily criticized for being too commercial.

Museum of Mediocre Art.

A post-modern abstract self portrait

'This is an unpretentious little wine. Unlike the artist.'

"This painting, we're sorry to say, is pure trash."

"It says here that this was his non-productive period."

'I call it 'No Admittance'.'

"I would describe my work as postindustrial, postmodern, postconstructivism."

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

"It's a stunning example of the absence of traditional art as a paradigm of a new way of viewing the essence of a new zeitgeist..." "Er...do you think we should tell him that we haven't hung the picture yet?"

'It's fabulous! I'll give you ?25,000 for it!'

Sculptor's dedication to critics.

After three days the curator decided it was probably upside down.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

Modern Art 'D Hirst' and 'A Nutter'

Starving Artist Show has paintings of food.

Painting blowing on man at art gallery.

Art Plagiarism

Profits.