Gallery Assistant T-Shirts

"Nobody asked me about my process."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

In basket-case.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

Paul Klee

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Morning, all!"

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

'Can he call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"This is daring, but I like it."

Good Luck!

Misunderstood artist

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

'Projectile painting.'

It's a call from Tate modern.

Painting taking root...

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

Shake it all about sign on desk

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

'Fred's Office Supply? I'd like to order a dozen more desk bins and a step-ladder please.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'Mr. Coleman is on vacation. Would you care to hold?'

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

"Call my broker, fax my accountant, and get my groove back."

"Now this I get."