Art Gallery Assistant T-Shirts

"I've never worked at a picture gallery before..."

Paul Klee

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Personally, I'm a doer."

Mr. Empirical With "Antarctica""Small is hostile. Rage contributes to shift away from literality. I'm off to True Value Hardware for some more self-reference tools."

Schools of Art - A Rough Guide.

It's a call from Tate modern.

'Projectile painting.'

Couple Sitting in Front of A Sunset.

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

Rodin's Browser

"I was going to call it 'Empty Plinth', but then I settled on 'Winter's Smile'...I wanted to capture the 'nothingness' of an 'absence of anything'..."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

The Cremaster Cycle

I painted them all from memory.

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

'It's not easy painting hummingbirds.'

The perfectionist.

"He begged his wife and kids to join him in Tahiti, but he didn't mean a word of it, the bastard."

Jackson Pollock Signs A Rent Check

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

Art of Surviving

'I don't know whether to put it in for the Turner Prize or go for the Poet Laureate.'

"That must be the artist over there."

"I don't know art, but I know what I like!"

"I could do that."

In the art gallery

Sculptor's chippings

"Wow! - An original Bacon!!"

'A bad Picasso is still better than a good wall!'