Home Fixer-upper Enthusiasts Pillows

'You better put these on so you can read the emergency number of the plumber.'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

Fixing the TV.

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

'Now that you have a job, Tom, Dad and I are turning your room into a condo!'

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

The Upholstery Consultant

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Oh silly me, I'm trying to fix my glasses with nasal spray instead of super glue!

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

He spends all weekend under the stupid thing, but I don't think he's really fixing anything.

Well paid job