Home Fixer-upper Pillows

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'The bank won't give us a loan for a new roof because we both had a vaccination for shingles.'

'This weekend I'm doing all those little jobs I never seem to get around to doing.'

Hole drilled in floor. 'That's fixed that.'

'Thank goodness! I thought we were gonna have to replace all of our new lightbulbs throughout the house! You're a genius, Tom!'

"My husband said he could fix anything so if you find him, tell him he was wrong"

'I tried fixing it myself, but no joy I'm afraid.'

Plumbing Co - we repair what your husband fixed.

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"Here's where all the worries of the world have been seeping into your home."

I can never remember which colour is 'live'. - 'I wish there was a simple way to tell.' - 'Lick it! Lick it! Lick it!' - 'I wish there was a safe simple way to tell.' - 'Lick it gingerly.' -

"Would it be possible for you to totally exaggerate how much it will cost and how long it will take, so we'll be pleasantly surprised at the end?"

'How long have been a plumber?'

'I want it renewed until we get the leg of our sideboard mended.'

Home Improvement Books: 'Well, they finally wrote one for Walter.' (If it ain't broke, don't fix it.)

'What home project? I just want to get a wine label off.'

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

'The spin-dryer's broken down, the tap needs a new washer - Good Dog! - The bathroom shelf wants fixing. . .'

Restraining order

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

"Here's a video showing how to fix a toilet. It shows a guy calling a plumber."

"Right now, they think they have a mouse."

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'

"Can I use your bathroom before I leave?" "Sure, that'll be fifty bucks."

Note: For cheap & speedy window repairs, call Jack's Glass Replacement Service.

'Don't think I'm talking shop-but is there anything on the other side?'

Handy Andy / Interfering Ian

Man Nailed to Wall

'Maybe I did forget to turn off the water in the tub.'

'This spring fix-up special also comes with a toll free ‘What-The-Hell-Was-I-Thinking-Of' Help Hotline.'