Fixer-upper Devotee Pillows

'What do you say, Hubie? You've always liked a challenge.'

A man repeatedly pulls the start cord on his lawn mower until it falls apart.

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

'Your husband started without me, didn't he?'

'When does the improvement phase of this home improvement project begin?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

"Thanks to our self-driving car, Fred channels all his road rage energy into doing chores around the house!"

Darn you, you stupid hammer!

'He may not be accurate but he's resourceful'

DIY information - 'Here you are - look it up yourself.'

The Upholstery Consultant

"According to the instructions, if the product is found to be faulty, dispose of it responsibly and purchase another."

"This does NOT count as fixing the leaky faucet, mister!"

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

'Not only did I fix the leak, but when you run the hot water it plays 'Harlem Nocturne'.'

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

"I thought it would be cheaper to weed wack our shag carpet rather than replace it."

Well paid job

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

DIY Store "I don't know why we come here..."

'While we're on the subject, when are you going to do something about those potholes in our driveway at home?'

"First thing when you get home tonight help me with the refrigerator."

"Who would you like me to call first, the electrician or the plumber?"

"Thanks for fixing the muffler."

"Is it really necessary to shout 'Nailed it!' every time you hammer a nail?"

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'