Home Financing Gifts

"Yes, we can assist with upside-down mortgages!"

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

First National Bank. Keep life exciting --- Ask about our variable rate, interest-only mortgages.

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

'Can we call a realtor now?!'

"Their titles from left to right are, 'Holiday in Palm Springs','Next mortgage payment' and 'Deposit on a new Porsche'

'The owner plays in the NBA.'

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

"What do you mean you wouldn't sweat the water in the basement."

"I want to live in a neighborhood where I can walk around at night."

'We can mortgage your future for a very attractive low interest rate.'

'Good grief! Our house is so 'smart' it just refinanced itself!'

I have a dream.

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."

Estate Agents: Executive Homes

'They're playing house.'

"If the nanny state wants us to solve the housing crisis they need to get out of the way and let us learn from the leaders in the field..."

"Let us pray for the possessed...and the re-possessed"

"Lenders are a lot more cautious about 'interest free' mortgages these days. "

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

"Well Darling, there you go, our own bit of swamp: A perfect place to raise a family..."

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

"We both love Chinese food."

'Looks like you're underwater on your mortgage.'

'How high can the adjustable interest rate go? Well, now, we don't want to get bogged down in a lot of technicalities, do we?'

'Is my allowance a form of income redistribution?'

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

"The house is great, but compared to reality show realtors, you're a big disappointment."

'Will this be a simple equity loan, or are you refinancing your whole marriage?'