Mortgage Lending Gifts

'You don't qualify for our traditional mortgages. However, you do qualify for our predatory loan program.'

"I’ve combined all your outstanding debt into what we here in the banking business like to call a honkin’ big loan."

The Tightrope Balancing Act of Home Ownership and Interest Rates.

'For an explanation of the financial terms of this loan, please enroll in a continuing-education economics class at your local community college.'

'You shouldn't have taken that personal pension.' 'You shouldn't have taken that endowment mortgage.' 'When do you get your free tv license?' Job's comforters, today.

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

Standard & Poor

"If I'm such a poor risk, how did I get so deep into debt?"

Canine Comedians

"This is Mr. Harrington, our mortgage nerd."

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

'Credit being what it is, I'm sure you won't mind if we see your 200,000 cattle first...'

"Well, Mr. Shoddy, if we were to approve your business loan, you'd really need to change the name of your company."

'Good grief! Our house is so 'smart' it just refinanced itself!'

Those who fail to learn from the past will be forced to relive it.

'Oh no! We're in negative equity.'

I have a dream.

"Good morning - I'm from your bank. We'd like our house back please!"

"Whatever you do, keep up with your mortgage payments."

'A loan, certainly, how much would you like?'

Yes we can increase your overdraft, but I'd like to see a little more grovelling, please.

"Yes, we've refused your loan application."

"I'd love to help but at the moment I'm saddled with this enormous mortgage."

It doesn't matter if our house is made out of bricks, we've got a sub-prime mortgage!

"We've got borrower's remorse."

"Does this mean my loan has not been approved?"

"if you miss a payment, I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down."

I'm buying last year's car today with next year's money.

What do you mean, you've done more for me than my mother did? We've carried you for 10 months!

'Is there anything we can do to repay you other than to repay you?'

Bank of England Base Rates.

'I'm sorry, but without a significant deposit, we can't give you a mortgage.'

'What do you mean you've done more for me than my mother did?'

'We're going to need a bit more than comfortably off, I'm afraid.'