Home Explorer Pillows

"Hi, come on in to our impressively well-constructed, picture-book colonial home, ideally located on a quiet tree-lined street among the area's finest residences."

Location, Location, Location - Next 3 exits.

"This is the main entrance, but the property has up to seven escape tunnels..."

Staycation holidays...

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

Captain steering house through flood.

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

'She'll never look for me here.'

A sturdy hand-hold against the vicissitudes of life: $1.00 per minute.

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'Good grief! Our house is so 'smart' it just refinanced itself!'

"Marriage and relationships?...That would be under 'Arts and Science'!"

"I'm not feeling well. I'm picking up a few things at my pharmacy."

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

G.P.S. For the Home

Implausible Retirement Housing Options

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

Kingfisher feeding from a water lamp.

"Get lost. I'm reading a book!"

"Frank?"

"Whenever I want my mom to play fort, I just turn on news about climate change."

Teach your cat to read self-help manuals

'Another DIY enthusiast methinks...'

Stay at Home Yellowstone.

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'Pardon the dust. We're remodeling.'

'Therapy and medications are not the only options for your obsessive behavior.'

"Do you ever get off that branch?"

"No, it's not and earthquake. When our smart home goes into sleep mode, it tends to snore."

Lady to man about big hole in wall: 'Show some gumption. Are you a man ... or are you a mouse?!'