Home Explorer T-Shirts

"Hi, come on in to our impressively well-constructed, picture-book colonial home, ideally located on a quiet tree-lined street among the area's finest residences."

Location, Location, Location - Next 3 exits.

"This is the main entrance, but the property has up to seven escape tunnels..."

Staycation holidays...

"I have an imaginary friend called Fred, and my dad has one called Alexa."

Captain steering house through flood.

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

'She'll never look for me here.'

A sturdy hand-hold against the vicissitudes of life: $1.00 per minute.

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

"This is all we have available. It has an accordian front door, a shelf, a phone, and a spectacular view."

"I'm starting to think stripes."

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

'Good grief! Our house is so 'smart' it just refinanced itself!'

"There's a house-plant round here somewhere."

"Marriage and relationships?...That would be under 'Arts and Science'!"

Implausible Retirement Housing Options

G.P.S. For the Home

"I'm not feeling well. I'm picking up a few things at my pharmacy."

Base camp for Ed and Janet Wilson's courageous attempt to scale Mt. Blended Family.

Kingfisher feeding from a water lamp.

"Get lost. I'm reading a book!"

"Frank?"

"Whenever I want my mom to play fort, I just turn on news about climate change."

'I lost him in the house, but don't worry, a snake that big should be easy to find.'

'Another DIY enthusiast methinks...'

Teach your cat to read self-help manuals

Stay at Home Yellowstone.

'Pardon the dust. We're remodeling.'

"Do you ever get off that branch?"

'Therapy and medications are not the only options for your obsessive behavior.'

Lady to man about big hole in wall: 'Show some gumption. Are you a man ... or are you a mouse?!'

"No, it's not and earthquake. When our smart home goes into sleep mode, it tends to snore."