Home Electronics Pillows

'Explain to me again how a trip to the mall to buy shoelaces resulted in this!'

"Relax! It's NOT a heart attack! The owner's manual says to expect intense panic during the unpacking stage, as you wonder how in the world you're going to pay for yet another totally impulsive purchase. It should pass in a day or so!"

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"I've no idea. Maybe it's the slumber channel."

"Would you sit and watch a 12 hour movie?"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Well, the remote's not dowmn the back of the couch."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Microwave to replace gas or oil central heating?" "Yes. Think how cheap it is to microwave a cup of tea!"

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

'There's nothing on.'

'Someday TVs will be in big boxes on the floor.'

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

The Not-So Smart Meter

"Again, are you sure I didn't mention about bringing your own 3-D glasses?"

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Ooooooh, just what I wanted!"

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"You'll love this model, sir! You won't have to miss any of the sports action when you go for a beer!"

Homo Zapiens

Cat gets a hole in one

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

"I'll be glad when the television is fixed."

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

'If I thought for one moment that you were identifying...!'

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."