Home Dining Enthusiast Pillows

A man waits near a sign outside his kitchen that reads "Please wait to be seated" while his wife prepares dinner.

Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

T"ruly, Susan, I envy no man."

Domestic Goddess.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"It's the sequel to 'Cooking for One'."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

'Who gets the decaf?'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Anything but milk and cookies."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

'Aw, mom! How come I always have to eat at the kiddie carcass?'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

Am Awful Crammer.

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'