Home-cooked Hilarity Pillows

'Macaroni and cheese, three nights in a row?... That's justifiable homicide in my book!'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'Muriel's philosophy is that what happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

'She just came down the stairs without walking.'

'Needs more kale.'

'We thank you for this food and ask you to protect us from pesticides, additives and preservatives.'

Dinner Cereal, Corn Flakes with Spaghetti Sauce.

'Home-made pie will be quick, I only live 10 minutes from here.'

'This mandarin chicken is delicious, Dad. It tastes like you bought it yourself.'

"How many times must I tell you, the floor is sloping?"

Intolerant Chef

Beth realized she wasn't such a great cook the night she tried to make an apple pie. 'Wow! Now that is good meatloaf!'

'Something in the fridge has gone off.'

Roger wouldn't prepare any meal without first consulting his pie chart.

Your Dinner is in the Tin

'I thought it was my turn to cook, but I didn't make anything because I wanted you to take me out to eat.'

'I found a way to make dinner in half the time. I don't finish it.'

'Mom's a lousy cook.'

'To cook is to dare!'

Ties and Jackets Required.

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'

"Yes sir, this is half a steak. The guest who had it yesterday wasn't very hungry."

'Sorry, dear, but upon advice from my attorney, I decline to give you an opinion on your Creamed Tarragon Flounder.'

"And remember, no tormenting the cat while I'm at work!"

"Sure it tastes like homemade... your wife works here."

"I can hear the smoke alarm.Is dinner ready?"

It's hard to when I'm always under pressure."

'Do you find the roast to have a faint 'woody' taste?' 'Could be, I couldn't find the carving knife so I used my band saw... cuts like butter.'

"Changed our mind about the salad, did we?"

"I'm not going to sit here and take orders from a taco!"

"So the microwave's got a popcorn button, but the popcorn bag says don't use the popcorn button, and I'm like, Microwave people! Popcorn people! Get your act together!!"

'Buns, rockcakes and paperweights.'

'I'm not an experienced cook so I use the smoke alarm as my timer!'