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"We hadn't planned for this sort of traffic."

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

'Anthony! And all over my new carpet! Bad cat! Bad cat!'

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

"Not cool washing sheep in the dishwasher people!"

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

"I'm running a loose ship."

Working from home.

"It's all right dear, it only seems what it is."

"It's perfectly all right. I used to do the same sort of thing when I was a little boy."

How men shop for towels.

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. II

"Yesterday's clothes, which weren't quite dirty enough to wash, or clean enough to put away" "The day before yesterday's clothes" "A parcel you have forgotten to send back" "Your sense of inner peace and harmony" "Clothes from the day before that" "A beloved sock, last seen in February 2023"

'Please excuse the mess guys.My husband's doing a correspondence course in Embalming.'

"Did he sleep through the night again?"

'You must excuse us. Things are a bit upside-down at the moment.'

These colours haven't just run. They've sprinted!

I'm attacking this family's clutter! You need me? Yes! Help me decide which pile to start with. Tough call.

"Edna, have you fallen asleep in the bath again?"

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. III

"Found it! The cat was using it as a pillow."

“Putty took a wife. Her name was Possums, and she bore him Little Gentleman, Biddy Boo, Savor Tooth, Fluffy, Harry Cat, and Cesar. Then Little Gentleman begat Little Gentleman II and Friday and Tinkle Toes and Possum Tail and…”

'Ugh! Look at the state of our home office.'

A "balanced diet" means balancing what's left to cook with what's clean enough to cook it in.

'I love what you haven't done with this place.'

'Can you call back? He's busy right now.'

"Don't you think we'll be memorable parents?"

Man: 'Oh for HEAVEN'S sake Zachary! WHAT have I told you about RUNNING THROUGH the house?!

'Don't worry, your father won't notice.'

Man attempting to paint a room by exploding paint onto the walls - "Could I see your qualifications again Mr Baker."

"I don't care if this is the kid cave, Robert. Pick up your stuff."

Kids make a home messy and loud

"Gone insane. Your dinner's in a wheelbarrow on the M25."