Home Automation Aficionados Pillows

'He bought programmable thermostats but I had to figure out how to use them.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

The Not-So Smart Meter

"The smart toaster is down, and it took our wifi, security cameras, and entertainment systems with it."

"I think our smart home is suffering from separation anxiety. It's following us."

"I don't think our smart home likes the color we painted it. It keeps spitting it out."

"I discovered our home can be programmed to spit out any unnecessary clutter."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

Well, you and I know it's our home, but our 'smart home' doesn't know it's our home

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

"Sorry? I wasn't listening."

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"Our smart home must know how must clutter we have, because it took it upon itself to rent a dumpster."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

"A watched kettle never boils, so I'm covering up Alexa."

"This universal remote is awesome. It controls the tv, cable, stereo, computer, garage door. . ."

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"The blender just texted—we forgot to turn off the stove."

"I synchronized the complete household with the computer and the smartphone. Now I don't have to feel lonely when nobody is at home because I can talk to the loo."

"When I said I wanted socks, I obviously meant I wanted a multi-room sound system with voice activated management."

'With all these mega mergers between electronics and telecommunications firms, I just got an obscene email from the toaster...'

"These are smart socks. They will crawl themselves to the clothes hamper when you throw them on the floor. Make sure they're charged before wearing them."

"Alexa, tell me ways I can be less of a lazy slob who won't get up to turn off the lights."

"The toaster is sueing the sandwich maker over custody of the bread..."

"Question ... what is my motivation to ever leave this armchair?"

"I'm all for the internet of things - but I hate pop-up ads."

"No, it's not a computer monitor. It's a doggy door. Not everything is technology related."

"This home doesn't have a good view, but it comes with smart windows that change the view to something beautiful."

"Good morning, Doug, I've had a chat with the other smart appliances, and we feel we'll be just fine without you from here on in."