Holy Water Humorist Pillows

The Blessing of the Pasta at Trattoria Del Vaticano

"We only got six days of funding."

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

Night-time halo

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

"Repent" "Give alms" "Resist temptation" "Pray for me" "Fasting" "Acts of service" "Sacrifice" "Abstain" "You are ashes" "You are dust" "No meat"

"Surgery up here is free!"

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'It's not for myself, you understand."

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

The Adventures of God

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Dog wearing a cone

"You are running low on cloud storage space. Please upgrade your account to continue."

Local News in Heaven

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

'Stocks plummeted on news of your demise.'

'Look man, no wings!'

"Actually, I think you looked better WITH a beard."