Holy Day Buff Pillows

'Sorry - I've got strong views on Sunday Trading!'

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

TSA Noah

Doctor Frankenstein creates a new monster that makes the mob even more blood thirsty. Colour

'Maybe fruit flies don't have souls.'

"Believe me it's only an apple."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"But Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

Sermon Applause.

"Who's the new guy that keeps nibbling on my neck?"

Monster Baseball

"Build it 300 cubits long? I thought you said centimetres!"

Halloween Selfie

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

'Don't you think they'd be better off in the water?'

'Moses looks back - 'The commandments, the Red Sea, the books of the bible, but I never had a hit song.'

Jesus plays peek-a-boo with doubting Thomas.

Religious texts from heaven and hell find common ground...they are made in China.

'I think we're going to need an ANNOTATED edition.'

Moses as a mobster.

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

Horseshoes...Samson-style

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

'It's the cows. They can't get past a cattle guard.'

'...and then the bad woman gave the snake the apple, and that's when our problems began.'

"It's Eden. You don't have to keep checking for ticks."

"But, Mom, how can it be a vacation when you're taking me to school?"

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

Arresting Adam and Eve

"This wandering in the desert for forty years thing -- It IS allegorical, isn't it?"

Church: Open Sundays