Holly Jolly Jokester Gifts

One spider seeing items caught in web to another spider: 'Love your holiday blend.'

'I don't think Santa appreciates you posting online pictures of him stuck in the chimney.'

"Bed Spread"

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

Ice Skater

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Men dancing

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Doctor about spinning plates on patient: 'I'm concerned about his platelets.'

Snowman throws snowball at Santa.

"Maybe this year..."

"I'm a writer/painter/filmmaker/poet/actor/comedian, manic-depressive goes without saying."

Elf of the Month

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

Cleaning the Horse

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

Santa School.

Santa entering a pool for a swim

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

C is for Cracker

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'On the outside I'm all ho-ho-ho. But inside I feel weak and shaky, like a bowl full of jelly.'

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"The Chairman will be on shortly, I'm just the warm-up guy."