Holistic Jokester Pillows

Man passes Holistic Health Clinic and sees Holistic Donuts.

"Can't you do something more creative than messing around with cupboard doors?"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

Men dancing

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

"You idiots … we lost!"

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Tongue twisters! These are hard to say! A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk."

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"I haven't changed my facebook status."

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Existential truckstop'

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Dentists who do appendectomies.

Interrupted Shower.

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'

The disgusting, embarrassing sound of a whoopie cushion...

Golf Myth #293--Ball Washer

Unselfish by nature - he delights to show the novice where the big chub cruise...and where the best pike lie.

'... and I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those dang meddling kids... that and my incredibly stupid plan. Also in retrospect, I realize my costume was, regrettably, quite lame.'