Holiday Weight Keeper Gifts

'And in the red corner, still carrying a little Christmas weight...'

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

'It's a blonde, long-legged species with a melodious voice and it goes south for the winter.'

Camping-Pong

'See you in two weeks!'

Skier and his dog.

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

'I prefer to do absolutely nothing on holiday....otherwise the shock's too much when I get back.'

"Cut down on the Ho-Ho's."

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

Thru The Eyes Of A Lifeguard.

"Your dad says he's sorry. . . he'll be late for Christmas. He got hung up at work, again."

A pilgrim driving a camper leaving the Mayflower ship.

The night of the return

"I manage to avoid jetlag by just catching an earlier flight..."

Boxing Day

"Pick two! Staying abreast of the rapidly evolving global pandemic and what it means for your middle-class suburban life. Creating holiday memories that your kids will treasure throughout their lifetimes. Remembering to eat a vegetable."

Nutcracker

Thanks for helping, Twig! Tree's Tree Nursery. It's winter. I didn't think you'd be so busy. Christmas greens, bulb forcing and holiday plants keep me in business. Thankfully, gardens go dormant

'Let's face it, every day is Christmas Day for us!'

"Well, come to think of it, we are creatures of habit: Always migrating to the same place and stopping at the same spots on the way..."

"I'm only gone one night a year and you still watched our show without me?"

"My husband has such a good memory: He's never missed a birthday or a wedding anniversary..."

I'm trying to keep the Christmas spirit all year.

Scrooge: only-23-days until day after Christmas.

"At this time of the summer, I hate time."

"He claims he had no idea this was a much-loved animal."

'Sports teams play year round, so we decided to do the same for Christmas.'

Boxer

"Harold, I think your obsession about your weight is getting out of hand!"

'That's what I like, a good old fashioned Christmas.' (sign in window reads 'Out now - Do They Know It's Christmas!')