Holiday Spirit Keeper Gifts

'Sorry, but because of budget cuts, you're fired and we let the presents get delivered by UPS this year.'

Boxer

'Sports teams play year round, so we decided to do the same for Christmas.'

"He claims he had no idea this was a much-loved animal."

It was a lonely festive period for Bob that year, but it never prevented him from pulling the Christmas crackers...

"Your dad says he's sorry. . . he'll be late for Christmas. He got hung up at work, again."

'Never mind that. I think I've just discovered a new planet!'

"I prefer to talk to Mrs. Claus. She doesn't care if I'm naughty or nice."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Ice Skater

Snowman

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

Tipping Pain Chart

"Mother and baby are doing well...Both are in a stable condition."

Just one more choccy...

Merry Kissmas

Gracie sees a plane on Christmas Eve and tells her dad Santa is flying it.

Kid Hints To Santa That He Wants A Bicycle For Christmas

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

O Christmas Tea

"Hi, my name is Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "And I have a drinking problem." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph." "Hi Rudolph."

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"Well, what would YOU like for Christmas?"

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

Peace on Earth

'How do I know if you've been naughty or nice? CCTV!!'

"I didn't get anything I asked for last year so I want your acceptance of this year's list to be notarized."

'OMG! Is it Christmas already?'

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"Santa's elves have to eat, you know."

"Hold still, it's a programme about making your own tv cabinet."