Holiday Tradition Keeper Pillows

"Will she know what this is in reference to?"

"I'm only gone one night a year and you still watched our show without me?"

'I don't see how freezing in the woods while you cut down our Christmas tree builds character.'

'That's what I like, a good old fashioned Christmas.' (sign in window reads 'Out now - Do They Know It's Christmas!')

'Looks like someone beat us to the punch.'

Elfie Stick

"I'm sorry, but my costs were way out of control."

"Ours is not a creative clan."

"Why would I want to meet Santa? I can just go home and log onto his social media page from the comfort of my bed."

'Plimbco Bank &Trust, Old Money Division.'

"Gracie, today I'm teaching you a Bermudez family tradition...passed down from generation to generation! Vamonos! Out! Now!"

'Minyan Man! You've saved the day again!'

"Did you check the little patch of grass by the swing set?"

"The Chinese Zodiac told me to marry a sheep. Who am I to question hundreds of years of ancient Chinese wisdom?"

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 11.

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

'I'm dreaming of a green Christmas, with every recycled Christmas card I write...'

Christmas sweater alternatives

"I put my faith in coal. Because there’s no fuel like an old fuel."

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

"I noticed a few browns."

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

Merry Kissmas

'Naughty? Nice? Santa, I don't deal in absolutes.'

The First 3-D Thanksgiving

"I'm getting too old for this..."

"We're history, Rudolph....I tell ya, we're history."

"We always have pizza for Easter dinner because that's what my mom gives up for Lent."

"You're right! It is a mezuzah!"

"Room for bigger presents."