Holiday Stock Watcher Gifts

'Stocks tumbled on the news Santa's credit rating was downgraded.'

Where your mind & battle are los

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Good news! Our nest egg is developing into a double yoke.'

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Ninja bread men"

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Tourists and their Pets.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

'How very Cumbria.'

Non-Denominational Carols

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'Now it fits.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'I told you that letting him have a pet would cause a problem at migration time...'

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"Here's the deal, boys. We need to see a little more bickering. We're doing a Reality Show."

Christmas Pets

* Let's stop here, they seem nice!

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."