Holiday Rush Gifts

"I've got a rare, front-row parking spot. I know I can't stay here during the holidays, but I'm allowed to dream."

Where your mind & battle are los

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

"Ninja bread men"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Tourists and their Pets.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

'How very Cumbria.'

Non-Denominational Carols

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'Now it fits.'

Christmas Pets

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

* Let's stop here, they seem nice!

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

Panettone

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'