Holiday Raconteur Gifts

"I'm reading a crummy mystery about robots taking over the internet...a real bot boiler."

Christmas Tree

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

'And you're telling me this, why?'

“Hey Everyone! It’s the first day of Fall! Okay, you go first!”

Santa does a keg stand.

Father Christmas Painting Robins.

'I need a sun cream with a very high protection factor.'

Filming Christmas

“He’s timid, very shy. I rescued him from some wacko who tried to steal Christmas.”

Rude Snowpeople

"Once upon a time there was a kind bank manager who found all the money lost in the global financial meltdown, brought world peace, stopped global warming, cured the common cold and discovered Julian Assange is Santa."

"Did you remember to cancel the scam phone calls?"

"Remember that lovely couple of scarlet macaws we met in Puerto Jiménez? They split up!"

Getting the Christmas Tree Home.

'I am not doing nothing... I am perfecting inertia.'

A feminist Christmas.

There's no place like Ho-Ho-Home

'Happens every year - I can never remember where I put the tree decorations.'

Knight before Christmas

'My brother got all the glory. For me it was Randolph with your nose so pink, you really make my sleigh team stink.'

Santa Claus writes a 'Yule Blog'.

'Son, you're old enough now to know, there's no such thing as Christmas.'

Welcome to Work Life Balance

"You've got to learn to let go."

'While our cases were soaking up the sun over there we were soaking up the rain over here!'

The night after Christmas.

City Travel...rat race special! 10 countries in 10 day: 'I need a vacation'!

"Don't you love the smell of burning leather boots this time of year?"

"Remember last October when you had on your autumn colors and we were hugging like this? And that tiny chipmunk jumped on my face? That was nuts!"

December Fest

Decorating the Christmas Tree