Holiday Protector T-Shirts

"In this district constable, you can't be too careful!"

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Happy kids running abount with a 'Schools out' banner

"Excuse me, but for some reason you have us traveling with our kids."

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

Lounging by the pool

Camping-Pong

'See you in two weeks!'

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

Ice Cream Tower.

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

"I like to think of myself as a vital link in the homeland-security system."

Santa, alien, easter bunny and sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

"Have you packed everything into your smartphone?"

Thru The Eyes Of A Lifeguard.

A pilgrim driving a camper leaving the Mayflower ship.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

'Hello, security.'

'Apparently we were wrong expecting him to return from vacation with renewed enthusiasm and vitality!'

"The Johnsons finally get around to child-proofing their home."

"Did you know that someday astronauts may put themselves into deep hibernation to artificially shorten the grueling journey to their ultimate destination? Wake me up on Christmas morning."

'Do you have anything that gets rid of unwanted salesmen?'

'Happy New Year!'

The Day After a Long Weekend: "Monday?? Wednesday? There's no way to know!!"

'This is just a holiday tradition - It's nothing personal.'

I tried insuring my house over the phone but they insisted on seeing it. It was on fire at the time...

"My client is being more than fair. She is willing to let you keep all the shoes and the house."

Beer Belly.

'Use it as an end table or, if you want, fold it out to be a fully functional anti-aircraft gun.'

"Oh, for heaven's sake. Use the spray!"

'Triple your money back! 100% effective against pesticide resistant insects! Guaranteed!

While you were out

'I love holidays!'