Holiday Pilot Gifts

"Whatever you hit Captain it wasn't a bird. The only thing I can see in here is lot s of wrapping paper, broken toys and shattered antlers."

Invasion Of The Summer Aliens

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Happy kids running abount with a 'Schools out' banner

'With all the tanning lotion, sun block and moisturizers, we're more coated with batter than the onion rings!'

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

Excess Baggage: Before starting your rental car, be sure the radio is turned all the way down.

"We're going to see my family. There's an extra twenty in it for you if we never get there."

"You may enjoy swimming with the dolphins, Howard, but do they enjoy swimming with you?"

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

A Couple in A Speedboat.

'CANNONBALL!!' - Whale tours.

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"I'd pack light if it wasn't for the shoes."

"She's missing out on her entire vacation."

Christmas Canapes

Cut out and keep your own Room Service.

Death, on holiday, forgets to pack the sunscreen.

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

'Maybe I'll try the seafood.'

'Maybe that'll teach you not to argue with the waiter over the bill!'

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

Flotation Device on the Phone

Santa, alien, easter bunny and sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

"Aren't you going to ask me if I've forgotten anything?"

Fun on the pyramids