Holiday Paradox Appreciator Pillows

A hunter sits reading by the fireplace with Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer and the Easter Bunny's heads mounted on the wall as trophies.

"Think outside the box but never forget who owns the box."

"I always forget how much louder they sound in the country."

'I hate all holidays!'

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

Christmas Present Wrapping Service.

The Salivation army.

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

Drones deliver gold, frankincense and myrrh to baby Jesus.

Gym/Tan/Donut

"I found another great book about living with less stuff."

'What do you mean I've been replaced by an 'app'...?'

'I'm sure looking forward to relaxing when we get to the summit.'

"The good news is that you'll be immortalized in a world-famous painting. The bad news...your face is stuck like that for life!"

"I've never hated Christmas, just people."

'My Christmas bonus.'

Maybe we never actually do anything because we keep calling for a show of hands.

'You're not really into this, are you Mahoney?'

"Mrs. Santa Claus wants a divorce, the elves in my workshop is on strike, the reindeer just hate me and global warming makes my place in the North Pole melt!"

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

"That was Albert. He was at a demonstration against global warming and now he's in the hospital with frostbite."

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

Mobster tries to recruit Santa as a hitman.

"You shouldn't be so afraid of the dentist."

"Cherish this moment, because clearly our parents are getting a divorce."

"You know I don't celebrate Valentines."

"There are more things I'm ungrateful than grateful for. Why can't we have a holiday for that?"

Scrooge: only-23-days until day after Christmas.

'In a word, my problem is Christmas.'

'I'm really getting tired of all these Christmas commercials.'

Ghost of Happy Holidays Future

"I don't care if you are the invisible man, sir, I can't let you in if you're not wearing a tie!"