Holiday Pageant Planner Gifts

'Is that enough peace on earth, Miss? I've got my tuba lesson in ten minutes and kickboxing at six...'

Airlines

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Miss America IQ Pageant

Mr. Punch in Venice

Margarita

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Italia tours

Heading off with a packed bag

"He wanted a heavily decorated cake for his birthday."

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

Man on beach realizes laying down flattens his stomach

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

Christmas Drinks 'n' Nibbles System

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'Let it go, Amy.'

"We can't go. We don't have enough carbon offset credits to get to the Grand Canyon."

"Well, all I know is he left on vacation to unwind... and he never wound-up again!"

'I play an evolving character, In the second act, I'm a piece of pie,'

'If that's my wife, pencil her in for Boxing Day.'

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'