Holiday Letter Writer Gifts

'Holiday letter...Life continues to be fabulous. Hubby was mistaken for Brad Pitt last week and I still have my supermodel looks...'

Santa Claus's Mail

"Dear Wendy, please excuse the tardiness of my response to your recent tweet from Hoboken."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

Letter Collecting Nerd

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Priest

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

Thoughts of EWE keep running through my mind.

Letter writing lady.

'I've lost my mojo, Marjorie.'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'It's for you.'

Travel Agency: Pacific time cures all ills.

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'

'Well people who said the SRA wasn't up to the job are going to have to eat their words now.'

Help! Trapped on a desert island cartoon...

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

"I've been a postie for 20 years. . ."

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

"It appears that it's a Christmas card from another GOP House member..."

Inbox and outbox for books

'A late payment and a friendly reminder cross paths in the mail.'

'Remember that Op-Ed piece you wrote last month?...'

Kathleen felt she was stuck between Iraq and a heart place.

"I'm writing to mother to let her know how you're doing.Is deathbed one word or two?"

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

Reading the love-letter

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

The incredible journey: why your letter took two weeks to reach Connecticut

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!