Letter Writer Gifts

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

'Of course creative writing is important. You want to write home for money when you go away to college,don't you?'

'I'm writing to my penfriend - what's French for 'parents', 'old-fashioned' and 'unreasonable'?'

Letter from Camp* (*with Footnotes)

'My leter to the editor lost a lot of its punch since they made it fit to print.'

"He's giving Dorothy Thompson a piece of his mind."

"Hey, got your message. Just wanted to let you know you spelled 'desperately' wrong."

'Remember that Op-Ed piece you wrote last month?...'

'It's only a placebo.'

"I'm writing to mother to let her know how you're doing.Is deathbed one word or two?"

"He thinks it's important to communicate with his plants."

'the tire and swinging vine was for the children; the 800 pounds of bananas were when mother visited us last week.'

'You'll want to put a Forever Stamp on your letter to Ms. LuRue,Tru-Love Romances, right?'

''Return to Sender'...? Dang! - I brought the wrong ENVELOPE!'

'Dear Dr. Phil,...'

'It's been forty years, Wendell -- Annette Funicello is NOT going to answer your letter!'

'You're lucky: I can't have a penpal 'cause we don't have a fixed address...'

'...No, I'm not computer literate. I write letters with a pen occasionally writing them with a thing called a typewriter!'

"So you can write your letter to Santa. That's why you need to learn the alphabet."

"It's grandmom's idea of a text message...a letter."

Penfriend

"Reading and writing are important, Kevin. Our teacher says we need to write letters to the newspaper editor demanding more school funding."

"I still like getting snail mail except for the slime!"

"That angry letter I wrote to the editor came back. She corrected my grammar."

When boomerangs rebel

"My grandma writes me letters like that. I call it the Grandma Font."

Santa Claus's Mail

"She'll be riding six white horses when she comes. Stop. She'll be riding six white horses when she comes. Stop. She'll be riding six white horses, she'll be riding six white horses, she'll be riding six white horses when she comes. Stop." "That's just like your mother."

"Dear diary, what the heck did you do with my car keys?!"

"'Dear Mrs. Zeus?!' The name's Hera!"

Actually, I really admire him. He pushes the envelope!

Ask Sadie. Actual questions from actual readers! Dear Sadie, when are you going to spend a few bucks and get a read hairdo? That sorry hairdo you sport makes you look like an exotic parrot. You look like you should be sitting on a pirate's shoulder. - Redheadboy. My initial response might sound like a non sequitor: During the Hoover years, I dated someone in the FBI. I've continued my ties with the agency. I mentioned this insulting @#$% letter to my contact there and: What do you know?! He was

For years you've been having clandestine arguments with Beetle Bailey, Dagwood, Hagar, Mike Doonesbury?! How'd you find out? How?! You wanted to get caught! I found your exchanges just lying there! Dozens of long-form letters. Heartbreaking exchanges where you argue with them with the very passion I thought belonged only to us! Dear Mike, you're a lousy @#$% dirtbag. I loathe you more than Mort! I needed a connection.

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am 62 years old and was fired from my job of 22 years just before xmas 2010. What should I do? Sincerely, Irene. Attack! Stop! Enough, Sadie. Haven't you been listening? The mean-spirited, virulent partisanship of talk show hosts must end. People were hurt and some died. Aren't you the ultimate partisan, you coot? That's different lady! Fasten your seatbelts.

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, you have GOT to be kidding!!! Who on earth would seriously write to Sadie? What kind of masochistic, submissive freak would submit themselves to the derision and abuse of, uh … Sadie … uh, er … a malevolent … and, uh … controlling … Oh, my Dominatrix! Deal with me as you know you must! - Chevre. Ha. Ha ha. Very cute. Seems like a joke, right? What? I recognize the mood, the internal struggle, even the exact language. This isn't poking fun and it's not from Chevre. Tucker,