Festive Card Writer Gifts

'I hate writing Christmas cards. . . It's all 'Dear so and so. . . Happy Christmas. . . blah, blah, blah. . . maybe I should write people's names in the card to give it more a 'personal touch?''

Santa Claus's Mail

Flight attendant piloting Santa's sleigh.

'My secret? Stay away from Halloween candy.'

'I've lost my mojo, Marjorie.'

Santa knows he has to be more careful. One more accident due to pilot error, and the FAA would take away his pilot's license for good.

North Pole twinned with Amazon

Magazines layout Christmas issues months in advance so a woe of cartoonists is struggling to draw Christmas gags in the July heat.

Well, the doctor confirmed that it's not Rosacea.

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

'Leave the Iranian airspace at once!'

Because of bad weather and lots of people moving slowly on the path, it took forever to get here! Everybody was picking up a pumpkin on Wednesday. There was a huge crowd and long lines at the pumpkin patch. My brother and I can't be seated together today. We'd argue and disagree about who should run the village council. After this huge meal nobody's gonna want to stick around and clean up this mess! If they're still having this celebration centuries from now, I'm sure they'll have worked i

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

"It appears that it's a Christmas card from another GOP House member..."

Christmas Flights

Father Christmas stuck on plane wing

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

'Sometimes Rudolph, I can't help but feel Christmas is getting too complicated!'

"Wow, the literary life is exhausting! Just when I finish 'What I Did On My Summer Vacation,' I need to begin my 'What I Want For Christmas' list!"

Christmas escape plan

'Ta Da! A brand new set of festive outdoor dinnerware for all my summer entertaining!!'

Post early for Christmas 2010.

'Moon Jumper One, you are entering restricted Christmas airspace. ABORT!;

"I guess he IS telling the truth.... Well, Merry Christmas, Santa! Have a good flight."

Roses are occasionally red. Violets are violet not blue. I'm a pedant. So there!

Get Well cards. They're constantly coming up with new get well cards, but nothing sells as well as the one that makes it clear the sender had the same thing and worse.

I brake for Jetliners.

"It's going to be tight making all of these 873 connecting flights tonight."

'What are you doing here? It's only November.'

Halloween next exit. . . Thanksgiving, 27 days. . . Christmas, 54 days.

'Do you have one for a greetings card writer whose job was outsourced?'

Santa's Flies Safe

"What the...a swarm of Christmas air-mail parcels?! Pull her up, Larry! Pull her up!!"

'... and last, but not least, a big Christmas bonus for Daddy to make sure I get what I want.'

"The holiday season always puts me in the mood to plan a tropical vacation."