Holiday Home Purchase T-Shirts

'The grass is plastic, too.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Cut Price

'What do you do with the time you save?'

Ice Cream And Summer Rentals

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"I'd like a partridge in a pear tree, 2 turtle doves, 3 French hens, 4 calling birds and 7 swans a swimming."

"Here's to East, West, South and Bridgehampton, and all the little Hamptons in between."

"I love November - the crunch of leaves underfoot... the crisp air... the holiday markets..." "... it getting dark by mid-afternoon..." "Okay, that's less enjoyable."

"We balanced our budget this month!"

"I'm afraid the price would make him toss and turn all night for months!"

'You had to put a skylight in didn't you?'

Orderly Conduct of Sales

'C'mon! Speed it up! I've got a bottle of wine here that says it's meant to be drunk soon!'

Holiday Sales: The Starting Line

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

'We like to spend 51 weeks of the year at our Florida holiday home...'

"From the wind, the chill and the snow, a god is born."

Jet flies by. 'And of course it's handy for the airport.'

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

Giant Sale!

Buy One Get One Free Sign Outside Shoe Shop

"Photo safaris are not what they used to be: They seem more interested in taking selfies than photos of us these days..."

Woman crushed under satin sheets.

Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Sebum! I think you'll love this property on the left side of the chin. It's a wonderful place to start a pimple."

Black Friday

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

'And, as you can see, it is the perfect place to start a big family...'

Wait! It might be cheaper to just knock it down and build from scratch.

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

Seasonal shopping.

"I've been working on the household budget."