Holiday Helpers Gifts

Self-Isolating: Happy Easter

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

Camping-Pong

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

"I know it's not an ideal situation, Samantha, but how else are we going to afford a 160 gigabyte laptop, a top of the range mobile and a Playstation 3 for the kids presents?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

'See you in two weeks!'

"Ho, ho, you're fired."

Twas the week before Christmas and all thru the house

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

Studio in December

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

'Listen, Santa. Either you repay what you owe, or we reposses Rudolph!'

Thru The Eyes Of A Lifeguard.

Christmas Canapes

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

A pilgrim driving a camper leaving the Mayflower ship.

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

"She can't take any constructive criticism."

The New Normal

What will I do with it? It will never fit in the microwave.

Rescuing the NHS for Christmas

"I manage to avoid jetlag by just catching an earlier flight..."

Dog in Christmas outfit with cracker.