Holiday Gift Exchange Pillows

'The whole office is slack-jawed and drooling! It's either a zombie invasion or that smooth jazz you play on the intercom.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

Daughters on the beach

"That'll be five bucks."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

"I might just get a pie."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

Labrador Non-retriever

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

Loopholes

Mouse returns home from work.

'Hang on a minute...'

"Ticket and passport, please."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

Snake Charming

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"Who's the new guy?"

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

S. S. All You Can Eat

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

Chicken Road Crossing

Cannibal recipes.