Holiday Gift Exchange Gifts

'The whole office is slack-jawed and drooling! It's either a zombie invasion or that smooth jazz you play on the intercom.'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

Daughters on the beach

"That'll be five bucks."

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

"Legs together, David -- You're hamspreading again."

"I might just get a pie."

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

Labrador Non-retriever

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Mouse returns home from work.

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

"Ticket and passport, please."

'Hang on a minute...'

Loopholes

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

Snake Charming

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Who's the new guy?"

Cannibal recipes.

S. S. All You Can Eat

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

Chicken Road Crossing

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."