Holiday Cheer Avoiders Pillows

Humbug of Old Bachelor

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'I hate all holidays!'

Reindeer

A Sweet Christmas Connection

Santa uses his interviewing skills on his second job, too.

"I want the contract to say that if we win a championship of any sort, no one spills champagne on my head."

White cat on top of a Christmas tree.

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

North Pole.

'That's about as Christmasy as we can get it.'

"Christmas day or nor, it was under the tree! How could you expect me not to peek?"

Father Christmas deciding whether the Tory Party are naughty or nice.

'Your wife didn't do this. I'd recognize your handwriting anywhere.'

Noel Fever

'I fixed it so we got the night off!'

About Santa 2017.

'Sorry I Ate the Cookies Last Year.'

"Merry Christmas. You Cheerful, Chirpring, Cheeping, Tweeting, Tw*ttering, Twittering Tw*t!"

"Ever notice how everyone's nice this time of year? Kids behave. Neighbors, friends, relatives - even workers at the office - smile more. The mailman has a friendly wave, folks seem to go out of their way to be nice..."

'The Christ Child'

'computer says no.....el!'

"What did you think we do after the holidays?"

'Moving Day' for Christmas Presents

'Guys! Check this out - Reindeer Chow in the satellite dish!'

"Ever had one of those days where you don't feel the least bit jolly?"

"Then I said, let's stay with Santa's sleigh, but nooo ... you wanted to see a Rangers game!"

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'I've got to get away from Christmas... I've got to get away...'

Keep your answers short and in the form of a question.

Santa playing golf.

"Santa gets away with it because it shakes like a bowl full of jelly, not beer."