Holiday Accident Recovery Gifts

"So Tia Carmen was helping Maria decorate her Christmas tree...and she fell?"

Barbeque Casualty.

Santa Claus You Are Welcome.

'This is Onstar, how may I help you?'

They've been inseparable since the avalanche.

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

Big slipper.

"You call all this a side effect?"

'This is your lucky day!'

"The holiday was a real eye opener...the crowds,the unbearable heat and noise,the chaos...and that was just at Heathrow."

'I have this horrible premonition that he's turning into a butterfly.'

"The good news is, I got religion!"

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

"And as if that wasn't bad enough. They've discovered that I'm allergic to bandages!"

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

'It's good news - the car can be repaired'

Swearing and fighting in a caravan

'So, tell me once more how climbing trees is healthier than playing computer games.'

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

'I've brought my car in to have the brake system adjusted.'

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'Does that mean no sex tonight?'

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

'It's lucky for you your legs are O.K.!'

"I never would've encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone if I'd known you were such a klutz."

Sling

'The only part of him that wasn't broken. Solid concrete!'

"On the plus side, the video of you lighting that BBQ has gone viral."