Hockey Hooligan Gifts

Ice hockey player with testicles on his stick.

"No more hockey for you, mister, until you learn to control yourself!"

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

The Hockey World

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

'Dewey, come look! This is so cute. The kids are playing wii hockey.'

"...And don't give me that 'I hope his precious little Blackhawks lose' look either!"

Yep the kids are loving the hotel they've made lots of new friends.

'...According to the survey, Canadians prefer the doggie style positions, so the can both keep watching the Hockey game...'

The Puck Stops Here.

'Where the Deer and the Antelope play and veterinary dental bills are high.'

Millwall - Hard Hat Area.

Curling Rocks!

'He's got one more minute alone in the penalty box with my mother.'

'If we had any guts we'd get out of here!'

"What is it about an unfavorable soccer outcome that makes me want to wreak immediate havoc in the streets?"

'The defense rests.'

His Other Shtick

Footballer Sponsored By Brown Beer Has Brown Beer Can Thrown at Him

'Big turnover at center ice! Mmm...looks delicious.'

"Hold on, the puck is coming this way."

'Well, it's a boy. And I think I can explain those sudden sharp pains in your rib cage.'

'He's an experienced golfer! Experienced in sand traps, water hazards and slicing.'

'Hello, 911?'

"This is absurd!" "This is incredible!"

"Hang on, Mother. The paramedics are on the way. I'll be right back—just going to check the score of the Blackhawks game."

Hooligans at Home

Practicing Defensive Medicine

Hold it! I dropped a contact lens.

"Very interesting. But nowhere in your rhetoric was there a clue as to when we'll see the return of the NHL!"

'Soccer hooligans, majesty! Thousands of them! We're doomed!'

'Going into sudden death overtime is serious business with these teams.'

A tennis lesson for a hockey player. Skates are a poor footwear choice, and putting ball into the net is not the object of the game.

"Until you complete your training, you'll have to be content with just knocking a few teeth out."