Hobbyist Foodie Gifts

"I think it's important to have a hobby outside of work. . . Mine is eating chocolate!"

'I sent out for everything.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"My emotional support dog ate my comfort food."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Ice Cream Surgeon

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

What the Doctor Ordered

"You do like octopus?"

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

La Table

Fast food. Even faster food

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'My diet's good...I'm two weeks ahead of schedule.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

"Easy for you to say - you're cured!"

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

'He made an excellent jelly.'

"The space aliens who abducted me wanted to know what it was like to be loved...I wasted no time."

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

'On the contrary... I'm too tough for the steak!'

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

"Rump roast?"