Hitman Gifts

"Make it look like natural selection."

"Tonight? I thought it was tomorrow night."

'So you've decided to drop the whole 'man with no name' image, have you?' 'Tarquin Chadwick, Gunslinger'

"Of course I got rid of him...in my own way."

'The Family Butcher' "I'd like you to kill my mother in law and my Uncle Bill"

"Talking of contracts, darling, I've just signed one myself."

"You should know by now, nobody puts the bite on me and gets away with it!"

'You'll recieve anger management training where you'll be taught to kill in an aloof,professional way.'

"Can it, Louie! You knew damn well it was pajama day!"

Awkward Murder Witness

A mobster with a dead body in his office out box.

'OK, OK! I'll shoot your husband! But I won't do it purely for sport or to stock my freezer! I'll do it because I want to be with you!'

'Sorry, I don't take contracts on cats, they're too difficult to bump off: They have nine lives!'

'I hope you don't mind sleeping with the fishes, Mister Scarponi?'

'ARRRGH you idiot,you idiot!!' 'When i said take the Don out, i MEANT for lunch!!' (a stupid mob guy kills the boss)

'Gentlemen, put your money away. When it comes to killing TV chefs, I work for free.'

"I want you to bring him back, in pieces."

"Your resume indicates a fair bit of experience in the field of problem solving."

"This is a silencerfor my dagger..."

"Maybe now your sponge cake will be moist."

"How'd you get this number?"

"Why do they always do that with the concrete? The feet are the best part."

Eddie (The Sandman) Fasolino

"When did last requests take over our lives?"

"But that's enough about me. Tell me, what do you do?"

"Can't Yelp rate dry cleaners in order of how good they keep their mouth shut?"

My Son the Hit Man.

"Use a hockey stick – make it look like a game."

"Did you remember to whack the cat?"

"We're constantly looking for ways to dispose of leaves we rake up from the boss's front yard."

A hitman sitting next to a fishbowl with a model of a drowned man

"He's a potential organ donor so be careful when you whack him."

"Hi honey, it's me. Look in my top dresser drawer and see if I left my bullets in there."

"The mask is mandatory."

The Clown Hit