History Hopeful Gifts

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

Romney refines his platform.

Nobody Upstages Trump!

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

'Early Laptops.'

The Kali De Milo.

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

Medusa and Perseus.

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

'Moses looks back - 'The commandments, the Red Sea, the books of the bible, but I never had a hit song.'

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Saint Patrick

William Shakespeare

'President George P. D. Q. ?3 Bush today called for Gulf War VIII'....'

I'm freaking out! Thursday is dress rehearsal. Nerves? Work! I've got a math and history test on Friday. Why did I ever sign up for the spring musical? Because it's fun? West Fester High School. On my college application it'll look like I had fun. It'll go with your "Looks aren't important" essay.

Isaac Newton...stumped.

An astronaut dowses on the moon.

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'I'm not going to argue with you about this Felix! Leonardo Da Vinci did not invent running!'

Little known fact #244: Cholera was not the #1 cause of death for children on the Oregon Trail

"Lovely weather for it."

Charles Darwin

Campaign 2010.

'Helen went on Facebook and launched a thousand ships.'

"Wait till you hear this one! This little fella is calling himself a mammal and he reckons one day they're going to dominate the Earth!"

"The new German Government will fight urgent problems with courage, decisive action, and innovation. . . and without ruining the people financially."

"I can't take another memoir."

"I'm deleting history so there will be nothing to study for tomorrow's history test."

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

"...But guess what Kevin's mother is doing for a living?"

Beach Ball in No-Man's Land