History Hopeful Pillows

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

Romney refines his platform.

Nobody Upstages Trump!

Mortally Wounded at the Battle of Quebec, General James Wolfe Forgets His Last Words

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

The Kali De Milo.

'No, I will not entertain a motion to suspend the rules!'

'Early Laptops.'

Medusa and Perseus.

'Moses looks back - 'The commandments, the Red Sea, the books of the bible, but I never had a hit song.'

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

Saint Patrick

William Shakespeare

Isaac Newton...stumped.

'President George P. D. Q. ?3 Bush today called for Gulf War VIII'....'

An astronaut dowses on the moon.

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'I'm not going to argue with you about this Felix! Leonardo Da Vinci did not invent running!'

Little known fact #244: Cholera was not the #1 cause of death for children on the Oregon Trail

"I can't take another memoir."

"I'm deleting history so there will be nothing to study for tomorrow's history test."

"The new German Government will fight urgent problems with courage, decisive action, and innovation. . . and without ruining the people financially."

Campaign 2010.

Charles Darwin

"Wait till you hear this one! This little fella is calling himself a mammal and he reckons one day they're going to dominate the Earth!"

"Lovely weather for it."

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

Beach Ball in No-Man's Land

"...But guess what Kevin's mother is doing for a living?"