Aspiring Historian Pillows

"If I'd lived back then, I would have signed it, too."

'History keeps repeating itself.', 'You say that every four years.'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

'I know the answer. I just need a moment to come to grips with it.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'Early Laptops.'

What a gentleman imagines while he holds a door open.

"Finally...school starts next week."

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"I called for you creative people because I feel it's time to begin my autobiography."

'This 'Hamlet' thing you're working on... Do you think you could write in a part for Lady Godiva?!'

"Coming soon...what I did over summer vacation...the podcast!"

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

A girl climbs a ladder of books

Theodore Roosevelt.

An astronaut dowses on the moon.

'President George P. D. Q. ?3 Bush today called for Gulf War VIII'....'

Romney refines his platform.

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'I'm not going to argue with you about this Felix! Leonardo Da Vinci did not invent running!'

"Wait till you hear this one! This little fella is calling himself a mammal and he reckons one day they're going to dominate the Earth!"

"The new German Government will fight urgent problems with courage, decisive action, and innovation. . . and without ruining the people financially."

"I can't take another memoir."

"I'm deleting history so there will be nothing to study for tomorrow's history test."

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

Unexpected Help for the Colonists at the Boston Tea Party

Style

"Who gives a crap if it's not clear in 246 years?"

"You got 136? It says here you're genius if you get a 132."

'These are the happiest days of your life.'