History Documentaries Gifts

Department of Archaelogy "Hey! -- That PBS antiques show is on!"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Live Stream

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Oh, come on! Nobody brought a pen?"

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

Police film evidence

Next camera crew 5 mins

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

Kirsten Johnson

The following wildlife film is sponsored in part by a grant from...Mother Nature Foundation.

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

Cinéma Vérité

Celebrity Phrenologist.

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

A typical Monday. Zombie truck driving maniacs! South Pole penguin love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent, zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

Top Secret/Middle Secret/Bottom Secret

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

Movies through the decades.

'Come on, you're telling me that you don't watch the Discovery Channel.'

Poor vs Rich

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

Fahrenheit 911.

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'

A fly on the wall documentary.