War Documentaries Gifts

"He won't move from one gulf war to another."

"Then one day, as I caught a tennis ball in midair, I asked myself, 'Is this all there is?'"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

Live Stream

'After giving a recorded statement to these people, being grilled by 60 Minutes would seem like a piece of cake.'

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

"Seriously, you can't balance the budget with cushion change."

'It's a program on paranoia. Every time I leave the room, they stop and wait for me to come back.'

"And next up, Fairy Tales: FolkLORE or FolkLIES!"

The following wildlife film is sponsored in part by a grant from...Mother Nature Foundation.

Police film evidence

Crocodile

They're watching a documentary about safety razors. Sounds like a Schick flick!

Next camera crew 5 mins

Kirsten Johnson

"No need for stage fright, it's just a documentary crew: be yourself..."

Cinéma Vérité

Michael Moore creates a UK equivalent of Fahrenheit 9/11

'Ignore them, Charlie. They're nothing but philistines. I liked your poetry, truly I did!'

'Come on, you're telling me that you don't watch the Discovery Channel.'

A typical Monday. Zombie truck driving maniacs! South Pole penguin love! That's a stupid eco-friendly chick documentary! Insipid, mindless, violent, zombie crud! Negotiations commence, nearly a week before date night. Wimp! Blockbuster head!

A penguin's life is like endless summer camp, swimming and fishing all day every day!

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

A bunch of global warming skeptics want to join eco club. It's a school organization. You have to let them in. But they just want to harass us with selective facts! Today: Eco club. So? Debate is good. You have :An Inconvenient Truth" to counter their arguments. Oh. Great. Now we'll have to read it.

"Ugh! Stop making a drama documentary out of a molehill."

'Phoor...watch these sperm whales at it...ah...yes..yes...'

Top Secret/Middle Secret/Bottom Secret

Uncle Mort, you fought in Korea, right? You think that war will start up again? Not if I can help it. It was the morning of July 27, nineteen hundred and fifty-three. I was pinned down on Pork Chop Hill. My bazooka had run out of ammo. All I could find to load into it was a stuffed panda bear. I loaded it and fired that bear into the maw of the enemy. It struck one of them atop the noggin. Moments later, the armistice was signed. Every July 27th, I awaken at dawn and chuck that same panda at the

"I remembered that time you said you wished you had a biographer."

Poor vs Rich

"What do you suppose Ken Burns will have to say about all this in 30 years?"

A fly on the wall documentary.

'I still say these shots need more action.'

Diana Inquest - 'It's time to move on, and start making a TV mini-series of her life.'