Hiss Detective Gifts

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Man in office, desk covered in computer equipment, uses floor for photos, desk pads etc.

The lunar landing of Appollo 11 is shown as a hoax filmed in a studio.

'I think I've found what's been causing my funny buzzing sounds.'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'I'd like to report a peeping tom.'

'We're sure they're in there... but we're not certain if they have weapons of mass destruction.'

By the year 2500, 1 in 10 academics will devote their entire career to divining the meaning of the word 'sussudio'.

"Miss Jenkins, e-mail the housekeeper. Her telecommuting days are over"

'As far as we can tell, the system went down because someone stepped on a crack in the sidewalk.'

Jean, bring me everything we've got on gravity.

'Miscellaneous' and 'Non-Miscellaneous' trays

"Let me through... I’m an armchair detective!"

"I'd know my tinnitus anywhere and this isn't it."

Mouse with map exiting maze.

"And, should you ever lose the key to the city, I hid another one here."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"We need to talk about procrastination."

'Fingerprints on your laptop screen?... wow, that's a real mystery.'

Mystery section...

"So in other words, we're hoping to discover what makes the nitty, gritty."

Testing the Big Bangs theory.

'Take a look at this everyone - it just could be the signature we've been looking for.'

"People are always whining about food labelling, but there's NOTHING that ANYONE with a reasonable chemistry degree and maybe a PhD in pharmacology wouldn't with a little effort, be able to understand....At least a little."

"I keep hearing this annoying buzzing noise!"

"I noticed he had punched air holes in his desk. Now I'm afraid to open it."

The Sleep of Reason Produces Bureaucracy

'Did you see who pushed you?'

'Don't be absurd, Holmes. There is no way Moriarty could get at our Swiss account!'

Today, this humble feature attempts to answer one of the great quandaries of modern times. Is it Louie Louie, oh baby, my hair gotta grow? Wrong! What are the lyrics to the Kingsman's Louie Louie?* *Must be gleaned by listening. No peeking on the internet!

Closing Laugh Mystery Publications

'No, it's not the Rapture - The kids next door got a trampoline.'

'Go ahead and dig, you said! what are the odds there's a pipe right there, you said!'

"Don't let the organized desk fool you. I have no idea where my computer files are."